Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Rules of the Room

Part of me feels bad for the millions of kids who will grow up beating off in the comfort of their computer chair. Chances are these kids will never get to experience "the room."  But should you ever find yourself inside this magical place you might as well learn the rules.

Rule #1:  there are no women inside the room.  Ever.  If you think it would be funny to bring your girlfriend into the room with you, you're wrong. Unless you think 10 guys at home jerking off to the image of your girl is funny.  If you are a woman and you wander into this place, on your own- leave immediately.  These men got in their car and drove over here for one thing and one thing only, by entering that room you are basically saying to them "yes, I want you to come over and hit on me with your raging boner"  

Rule #2:  there is no speaking.  The room is the quietest place in the world. A library is like a nitroglycerin plant compared to the room. You walk in that place thinking you are going to be the only one in there, you turn that corner and there's 27 other dudes in there as quiet as some ninjas in mime school.

Rule #3:  no eye contact. The last thing a man in there wants is to be reminded of where he is by seeing the shame in your face.   You are not there and neither is he.  

Occasionally you will see someone you know in there and you are forced to ignore them. And if it’s somebody you kind of know, like your old science teacher or the dude that took your sister out once a few years ago, your relationship has been forever altered. Next time you see that dude you can’t say hello, because you don’t know how deep his shame goes.  You no longer know him.

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