Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Letter 2 - General Mills


Dear General Mills,

I know that you are guided by values. And for this reason you have been able to levy a positive change in the communities of our great nation and abroad. Because of these values, values that we all strive to adhere to, General Mills has affected me greatly. I would like to share with you my story.

Not long ago I had no money and no friends. I was abusing some pretty heavy drugs and had no where to turn. One day, after a dark stretch of evil, I woke up in a dumpster in Juarez, Mexico. How long I’d been there I can’t say, maybe a month, maybe longer. As I put that sweet sweet needle into my arm I realized I hadn’t eaten in days. Too weak to venture beyond the dumpster and too broke to buy food, it was my good fortune to discover a half empty box of Multi-Bran Chex lying by my shoeless feet. I began eating the blend of corn, rice, and wheat and I will admit I was mildly disgusted. After vomiting I forced my self to continue until eventually I grew to enjoy the lightly sweetened taste. Sometime thereafter I was able to keep a few handfuls down and I came to the realization that something had to change. As I ate more I decided that I would never give another hand job. Maybe it was the iron, or maybe the much needed fiber contained with in each delicious Check, whatever it was it gave me the strength to stand. I was a changed man, I was reborn, and when those men came by with their two dollars looking for me to give them fellatio I was no where to be found. Now I start everyday with Multi-Bran Chex just like I did the day it changed my life.

Thank you for being the pillar of values that holds up the little bit of decency left in this world. It is reassuring to know you are there. Thank you General Mills, I salute you.

**General Mills did not respond.

Please enjoy my other letters: Orange Julius VH1

No comments: