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that folder

2007-09-02T17:11:00.001-07:00

Pastor Ted Haggard

Leader of the National Association of Evangelicals from 2003 until November of 2006 when it came out that he likes to bang dudes.

Congressman Mark Foley

Represented Florida's 16th district from 1995 until September of 2006 when it came out that he likes to have inappropriate relations with boys.

State Rep. Bob Allen

Co-Chair of John McCain's presidential campaign in the State of Florida until he tried to pay an undercover cop 20 bucks so he could suck his cock.

*This is the guy who claims he was so scared walking around a park filled with black people that he offered the cop money to perform fellatio because he was "a pretty stocky black guy" and he didn't want to get beat up.

Governor Jim McGreavy

Governor of New Jersey from 2002 until November of 2004 when he resigned after admitting to having an affair with another man. In Governor McGreevy's defense he has admitted to being gay and has openly embraced that lifestyle. To be fair, he doesn't deserve to be grouped with these other fellows, as he has done nothing hypocritical.

Rules of the Room

2007-07-17T13:09:00.001-07:00

Part of me feels bad for the millions of kids who will grow up beating off in the comfort of their computer chair. Chances are these kids will never get to experience "the room." But should you ever find yourself inside this magical place you might as well learn the rules.

Rule #1: there are no women inside the room. Ever. If you think it would be funny to bring your girlfriend into the room with you, you're wrong. Unless you think 10 guys at home jerking off to the image of your girl is funny.  If you are a woman and you wander into this place, on your own- leave immediately. These men got in their car and drove over here for one thing and one thing only, by entering that room you are basically saying to them "yes, I want you to come over and hit on me with your raging boner"

Rule #2:  there is no speaking. The room is the quietest place in the world. A library is like a nitroglycerin plant compared to the room. You walk in that place thinking you are going to be the only one in there, you turn that corner and there's 27 other dudes in there as quiet as some ninjas in mime school.

Rule #3: no eye contact. The last thing a man in there wants is to be reminded of where he is by seeing the shame in your face.   You are not there and neither is he.

Occasionally you will see someone you know in there and you are forced to ignore them. And if it’s somebody you kind of know, like your old science teacher or the dude that took your sister out once a few years ago, your relationship has been forever altered. Next time you see that dude you can’t say hello, because you don’t know how deep his shame goes. You no longer know him.

Go back to the article

Letter 3 - VH1

2007-07-03T22:51:00.000-07:00

Dear VH1,

There was a time, many many months ago, back when you played videos, when I was smart enough to know better than to send you a letter expecting a response. Unfortunately, that day has passed.

My fascination with your programming began because I too love the 80s. So much so that every time you think of a new way to revisit the 80s a euphoric high comes over me as millions of my brain cells die. I can’t wait for this decade to end so we can remember it.

You have glorified stupidity with such elegance and seamlessness that only today did I realize you haven’t played a video in two years. Last night I learned from watching your show that Britney Spears’ dog wears Von Dutch. Thank you VH1, I am whole now. How much VH1 will I have to watch to become stupid enough to get my own show on your channel? I ask this with the utmost respect and admiration. I have invented a machine that I call the VH2. Eminem sits on it and it blows smoke up his ass. I have lost my train of thought. Thank you VH1, I love you.

**VH1 did not respond.

Please enjoy my other letters: Orange Julius General Mills

Letter 2 - General Mills

2007-07-03T22:33:00.001-07:00

Dear General Mills,

I know that you are guided by values. And for this reason you have been able to levy a positive change in the communities of our great nation and abroad. Because of these values, values that we all strive to adhere to, General Mills has affected me greatly. I would like to share with you my story.

Not long ago I had no money and no friends. I was abusing some pretty heavy drugs and had no where to turn. One day, after a dark stretch of evil, I woke up in a dumpster in Juarez, Mexico. How long I’d been there I can’t say, maybe a month, maybe longer. As I put that sweet sweet needle into my arm I realized I hadn’t eaten in days. Too weak to venture beyond the dumpster and too broke to buy food, it was my good fortune to discover a half empty box of Multi-Bran Chex lying by my shoeless feet. I began eating the blend of corn, rice, and wheat and I will admit I was mildly disgusted. After vomiting I forced my self to continue until eventually I grew to enjoy the lightly sweetened taste. Sometime thereafter I was able to keep a few handfuls down and I came to the realization that something had to change. As I ate more I decided that I would never give another hand job. Maybe it was the iron, or maybe the much needed fiber contained with in each delicious Check, whatever it was it gave me the strength to stand. I was a changed man, I was reborn, and when those men came by with their two dollars looking for me to give them fellatio I was no where to be found. Now I start everyday with Multi-Bran Chex just like I did the day it changed my life.

Thank you for being the pillar of values that holds up the little bit of decency left in this world. It is reassuring to know you are there. Thank you General Mills, I salute you.

**General Mills did not respond.

Please enjoy my other letters: Orange Julius VH1

Letter 1 - Orange Julius

2007-07-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Julius,

For the 24 years I have been on this planet, I have been a staunch supporter of your product, the Orange Julius. I was particularly fond of its creamy yet simultaneously fruity texture. I am of course speaking about the original Orange Julius here; not one of the smoothies spawned in its shadow. For certain lesser products are bound to emerge and attempt to duplicate its grandeur. It's the logical progression of capitalism, and for it I do not fault you. However, I must take issue with a relatively new addition to the Orange Julius family.

I was on what I thought was going to be a pleasant trip to the mall today when I stopped to get an Orange Julius, as I have done so many countless times before. I noticed a sign that read for the fee of fifty cents I could “Nutrify” my Julius with a banana. So I paid the fifty extra cents and was quite taken aback when your employee proceeded to cut the banana in half.

I brought this to his attention and inquired as to what would become of the other half of my banana. He informed me that the Julii only receive half of a banana each. The sign clearly read a banana. Half of a banana is not a banana; a banana is a banana. I did not lash out at the young employee when he told me of this policy. However I did not appreciate him telling me to “take it easy.” I know how things work and I know that decisions come down from above. When you handed control of your operations over to the suits that made this decision you forgot to check for common decency during the preliminary hiring. I don't know what kind of moneymaking scheme they are plotting, but someone needs to bring it to your attention so that you may put a stop to it immediately. On the day that half a banana becomes a banana I will return to Orange Julius, but until that day, I say good day to you sir.

** The Dairy Queen Corporation responded with a five dollar gift card good at any one of their many locations. I bought a heath bar blizzard, it was delicious.

Please enjoy my other letters: General Mills - VH1

Deceased Professional Wrestlers

2007-06-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of professional wrestlers who did not live to be 50 years old. Next to their name is the age they were at the time of death, the year they died, and how. I have also put a link to each wrestler's wikipedia entry.

If I have missed someone, please let me know and I will add them.

Adrian Adonis, 33
1988, car accident

Andre the Giant, 46
1993, congestive heart failure

Bam Bam Bigelow, 46
2007, complications from diabetes

Big Boss Man Ray Traylor, 42
2004, heart attack

Big John Studd, 47
1995, Hodgkin's disease

Chris Benoit, 40
2007, suicide

"Woman" Nancy Benoit, 43
2007, murdered

Dino Bravo, 42
1993, murdered

Bruiser Brody, 42
1988, murdered

The Brittish Bulldog Davey Boy Smith, 39
2002, heart attack

Chris Candido, 33
2005, complications from surgery

John "Earthquake" Tenta, 42
2006, bladder cancer

Eddie Guerrero, 38
2005, heart failure

Miss Elizabeth, 42
2003, accidental overdose

Owen Hart, 34
1999, in ring accident

Road Warrior Hawk, 46
2003, heart attack

Hercules Hernandez, 46
2004, heart disease

"Crash Holly" Mike Lockwood, 32
2003, overdose

Junk Yard Dog, 45
1998, car accident

"Mr. Perfect" Curt Henning, 44
2003, possible overdose

"Flyin" Brian Pillman, 35
1997, heart disease

The Public Enemy
Rocco Rock , 49
2002, heart attack
Johnny Grunge, 40
2006, sleep apnea

"Ravishing" Rick Rude, 40
1999, overdose/heart failure

"Sensational" Sherri Martel, 49
2007, cause of death unknown at present time

David Von Erich, 25
1984, overdose

Mike Von Erich, 24
1987, suicide

picture not available
Chris Von Erich, 22
1991, suicide

"The Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich, 33
1993, suicide

Yokozuna, 34
2000, heart attack

Frequently Asked Questions

2007-02-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

Q: What is Verborrhea?

A: It is my attempt to change the world, my quest to rid the world of idiots, douchebags, and mindless followers and turn them into heartless, shallow assholes like myself.

Q: What does Verborrhea mean? Is it a real word?

A: It might be, depending on how hip your dictionary is. Basically it means diarrhea of the mouth.

Q: What's up with the lizard?

A: That is a gila monster. You can view the original post explaining it here.

Q: why is there an apple covering your face?

A: Because I am so clever.

Q: Can I copy, reuse or steal any of the stuff on this website?

A: It's not like I can stop you.

Q: Can I donate money to this worthy cause?

A: Excellent question! Yes, donations can be made through paypal to Verborrhea@gmail.com. They are not tax deductible and they will go directly to my bill collectors.